


What do you miss most

by wayward_angels_club



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Human Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, they kinda talk about their feelings... a bit... if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23446849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayward_angels_club/pseuds/wayward_angels_club
Summary: A lot changed when Castiel lost his wings. Some of it he misses, some of it he doesn't, this is a little look at both.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 14





	What do you miss most

There's a lot that Castiel misses about being an angel. He misses the way he could move throughout the earth. Flying or more appropriately zapping from one place to the next, taking anyone with him. He misses the ability to heal and protect those around him. Curing wounds and fighting as though he still had heaven backing him up. He misses the absence of guilt, the things he had done had been for the greater good and not having a soul meant that he never was plagued by the flashbacks. He misses how the air would crackle as his feet hit the earth whenever he flew somewhere. He misses his brothers, his family, the heavenly host and the idea of god's love.

There's things he doesn't miss about being an angel, he’s not sure if they outnumber those that he does but, he doesn't miss the fear in people's eyes, a fear he can now see so obviously and the guilt it brings with it. He doesn't miss the feeling of being an outsider to those in his charge. He doesn't miss the feeling that he was being kept around solely because he was useful. He doesn't miss the barrier it put between him and Dean.

Becoming human let him see that what he felt for Dean wasn’t a leftover of saving him from hell, it wasn't a sign of duty or obligation, he had felt the pull Dean had on him while he was godly, but loosing his grace made him aware that he had that pull on Dean too. 

One night it all got to be too much, and the years of tension snapped, frayed like a live wire and they didn't care about the danger of dying if the spark caught. They fell into bed and Castiel missed being an angel again because with a thought he could have taken care of their clothes, their wounds from the hunt a day prior that pulled as they moved and would for the next few days. He could have made it incredible for Dean, otherworldly, but the man didn't seem to have any complaints, yet he missed them then.

Days later as they laid wrapped around each other, Dean asked him what he missed most about being an angel, about having his powers. His freckled hands rubbing circles against his shoulder and playing with his hair. Another example of what he did not miss about being an angel, he wouldn't have been able to feel this as he could now, it would have been ions rubbing against each other, the follicles at his scalp shifting and the molecules breaking as strands were snapped.

He was quiet for a long time, so long he worried Dean would think he was asleep. He released a sigh and shifted hoping to see his face in the dark, but without his grace he had human eyesight and poor eyesight at that, and Dean was nothing more than an outline, he thought for a moment of taking the easy way out and saying that, but Dean deserved better.

He could still feel the apprehension coming off of Dean, he didn't need his grace to be able to do that, but he remembered what he used to look like. He though of how he used to know Dean in a way no other did. How he used to change in a way only Castiel could see, how beautiful and righteous and strong the man was, and he had his answer.

“I miss being able to see your soul.” He said it so simply, denying the pain to enter his voice as he spoke, denying the prickle in the back of his eyes as it hit him how much he missed being able to see Dean like that. He heard the hitch in Dean's breath, he knows that he would have been able to see the change in his soul then and he mourns for the days he took that for granted.  
“You could see my soul?” Dean asks on a whisper of a breath almost as though he wasn't sure he would voice the question.

“I could, after I rebuilt your body, your mind, your soul in hell, after I had to use my grace to do so, we became connected, and because so much of my grace I had to use to rebuild you was now part of the very fabric of your being I could see your soul. I could technically see the soul of anyone I want but I have to concentrate on doing so, but yours was vibrant and extreme, I could see it even if I was thousands of miles away. It would change as you did, as your emotions did. I could feel it as much as I can feel wind or rain… it was beautiful Dean, as are you.”

“Cas-” Dean kisses him then, slow, soft, full of love, and Castiel forgets all about what he lost when he fell, what he was stripped of when he chose to rebel against heaven. All of it was worth it for this.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this little fic! I had the thought while working on a WIP that I'm hoping to finish after my semester ends (it's all online but the assignments haven't stopped rolling in) 
> 
> Thank you to Marlo for being amazing and listening to all my ramblings!!  
> You can find her Tumblr [here](https://johnlockshire.tumblr.com/)  
> And her AO3 [here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightChanghes/pseuds/NightChanghes)


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